From A Mental Hospital Patient

I meant to update this more but I guess I haven't felt up to it. I've been attending the local mental hospital this week during the days. I don't have to stay overnight because I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else...but other than that I guess I’m as loony as they get ;) Here's the breakdown of the day:

• 9:15-10:00 Come up with personal goals for the day and talk to Coordinator about my treatment
• 10:00-11:00 Relapse Prevention Group (write down who I consider my supporters, what behaviors caused me to come to the hospital, triggers that caused those behaviors, an action plan)
• 11:00-12:00 Process Group (everyone shares their own story and gets input from other patients)
• 1:00-2:00 Skills Group (learn ways to handle problems identified during Relapse Prevention Group )
• 2:00-3:00 Experiential Group (either self-relaxation time or group problem-solving games)
  

Monday is my last day. They have changed my diagnosis once and the medication twice. The uncertainty of all of this is what irks me the most. Every doctor has their own opinion on what path I should take next. Who knows which path will work and which one will take 3 weeks to find out that it’s not such a good strategy after all.

For now, bipolar disorder is out the window because my ‘normal’ phases don’t fit the hypomanic descriptions. Another reason the anti-depressants aren’t working effectively, then, could be because of the racing thoughts that I have quite often. There are several at once, almost like I’m in a crowded mall. Hopefully these voices will be quieted with the anti-psychotic, while Paxil is being used for the depression.

Now that my body is free of the Depakote, I am feeling tons better. I feel less like a sloth and more like a human again. I have more energy, appetite, and sense of hope. Today I even got out of the house more than once, and spent time with my family and my friend Ali. Coming back to Abilene seems more attainable today than it has in the past week. And I am definitely looking forward to going to church tomorrow (especially since I haven’t felt up to going since I’ve been home)!

That’s all I have for now. I’ll try to update this after some of my doctors appointments this week.