Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I Love You, George

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Mouth Dream Files

Some of you know that I have what I call "mouth dreams". This is where I dream that something is ever-present in my mouth (whether that be toothpaste, vomit, food, or anything) and I usually cannot talk or function well with this bothersome issue.

So my latest mouth dream took place at this outdoor convention. I'm not sure what it was for, but there were lots of tables set up and I was sitting at one, waiting to listen to the speaker. Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls was there! I know his name is Scott Patterson in real life, but he was Luke Danes in my dream. He had the plaid shirt and backwards hat and everything, and besides that, people were calling him Luke. Except that we weren't in Gilmore Girls, and it was like real life where he was famous and everyone knew he was from that show. But dreams are confusing like that.

Anyways, Luke introduced the speaker of the convention and then came and sat at my table. My table!!! I was very excited to meet him and tell him that I was a fan. Sadly, however, I had part of a loofa in my mouth. Yes, a loofa. One of those shower things. So I was chewing on my loofa and could not communicate at all! It didn't matter how hard I tried to pull it out of my mouth, it would just re-appear.

Fortunately, a mouth dream first happened for me. I decided to explain to Luke why I could not talk to him (okay, it doesn't really make sense now, but you should have been there). So I explained to him that I was having a hard time speaking because I was chewing on a loofa.

"A loofa?!?" He asked.
"Yeah. Sorta like chewing tobacco," I replied.

And then, as magically as it had appeared, the loofa in my mouth left me! This is a huge triumph. I am either hoping to have no more mouth dreams (well maybe not - they are kinda amusing when they aren't frustrating) or at least be able to conquer all future mouth dreams from now on.

So I am sure you are wondering what happened after this. Well, Luke happened to be giving a guest lecture at ACU and invited me along to help him. He said to the class, "Today my lecture will be based on this one quote," and then proceeded to state a very lengthy quote. All of the students wanted to make sure they had all of the quote down in their notes, so I volunteered to write it on the board for them.

At first, I was very upset because it was a chalkboard and I do not like chalkboards or the way that chalk feels in my hands. Fortunately though, the chalk was in a chalk-holder so that I did not have to feel it while I wrote. (Another success in my dream-life! Yesssss!!!)

Sadly, after I wrote the entire quote on the board for all of the class to see, they could not read it because I had to write so small for all of the quote to fit on the board. This is when Luke Danes suggested that I go to the library to make a copy of his paper version of the quote and then transfer it to an overhead transparency. That is just how smart Luke Danes is.

So I left the classroom, determined to help Luke Danes and save the world, but the ACU Library was very very frustrating. All of the librarians were busy with other important tasks. No one would help me with the transparency! I kept going further back into the library until I got to a super-secret room where the library owner lived, who of course was Martha Stewart.

I explained the dilemma to Martha Stewart who seemed like she was probably going to help me, but I will never know because that is when I woke up.

It was a pretty good dream overall. I have never had so much success with my mouth struggles! Okay, so maybe there are bigger problems to worry about, like say, real life, but I just thought I'd share my triumph with all of you anyway.